So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
