Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
