dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
