Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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