I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
