that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
