I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
