i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can you bring me the toilet please
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i think im in europe. pls send help
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
