Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
