No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
