Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
