we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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