Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize
