saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
