Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
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