we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
