just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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