what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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