I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Couch. On fire.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
