He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
