Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
