Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
