I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
