Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
