I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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