i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
