Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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