I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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