I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm like, not good at living.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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