Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
