They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
