my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
