i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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