i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
