Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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