i jhust puked up my retainher.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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