I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
