so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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