I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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