I'm really into asian looking animals
I will die if light touches me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
