i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
