barbara walters just said penis...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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