Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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