I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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