they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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