Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
