Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
