Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
