I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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