I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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