The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize