Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
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I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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