last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
