Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
