You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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