I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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