I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
