ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
