Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Randomize
