so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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