Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
