exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
don't judge my taste in strippers
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
