life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
