drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
