the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize