you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
