If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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