Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
