remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
