i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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