We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize