I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
